So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
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