the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
how drunk are you?
Several
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
