if i died would you start the facebook group?
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
