Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
