how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
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