Taylor Swift is so right about you.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
