this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
