My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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