I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
If that was your dad, he is hot
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
