She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
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