you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
