fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
She just used a chaser for red wine.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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