Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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