My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
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