I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Randomize
