I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
