best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
