Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
My nipple is on Facebook.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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