He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize