i think my mom watched the whole time
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
