How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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