I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Randomize
