grandma shit on top of the toilet
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize