I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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