Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize