Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
