I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
