Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize