I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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