i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
