I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
The air was thick with penises
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
