You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Its about making memories worth repressing
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize