rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
