Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Randomize
