i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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