all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
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