Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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