there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
