Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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