totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Randomize
