Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
