my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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