I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
