it was like eating out sand paper
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize