oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
