look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize