I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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