dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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