I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
