he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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