Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
