found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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