K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
