If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Less talking, more tequila
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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