i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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