would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
