Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
he high fived his dick after we had sex
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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