we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
