I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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