That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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