I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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