EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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