I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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