cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
