the day after is always just damage control
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Randomize
