What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
