South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
