You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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