What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
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