I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
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