Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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