Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
