don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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