Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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