Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
