I'm so fucking centered right now
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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