You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
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