Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Randomize
