Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
